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Breastfeeding
Tips from the Experts First,
undo that, now do like this, lift that up, and then, yes, do like
that and put the baby--no, there--and then, no, wait, not like that,
like this. It's
just the most wonderful thing! If you're a nurturing person, I mean.
I
always found that Superglue helped with latch-on. Just a dab on the
nipple and voila! Some
women worry that being a nursing mom will make them less sexually
attractive to their husbands. Well, don't worry about that. It won't
be a problem because after labor and delivery and sleep deprivation,
it's unlikely you'll feel one ounce of sexual desire for weeks or
even months. No,
not like that. Like this. See? The
best part is, if you keep nice and quiet, sometimes a little cartoon
bluebird will land on your shoulder! And a choir will start singing
the "Hallelujah" chorus! At least, that's the way I
remember it. Well,
you won't be able to do it, I can see that from your expression.
You're just being negative about it. If you really tried, it would
work. You've
been wearing too tight of a bra. Your
bra isn't tight enough. You
shouldn't wear a bra at all. You
should go naked in public places and if people have a problem with
it, you just tell them that this is a natural, beautiful thing and
that they should quit being so pervy and stop staring at you. Why
are you sitting there with your boob hanging out? Just look at this
picture on the cover of the breastfeeding guide. See, it's quite
possible to breastfeed discreetly, without showing any skin. And
look how happy this woman is! She even found time to get into full
make-up in the morning, which, actually, you should consider doing. You
say you find it difficult to keep one hand free to turn the pages of
your magazine? Well, what are you doing reading a magazine? This is
supposed to be special time for you and your baby! What's wrong with
you that you want to read a magazine during this special time? What,
you say you've had enough special time? There can never be enough
special time! These early weeks pass by so fast! Before you know it,
they'll be off to school and you'll wish you'd spent more time
gazing into their eyes. I know I do. Art
by Tracy Sutton |
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